In the NICU

I almost got out of the hospital the day after my surgery but I fainted in the bathroom.  I thought that was a pretty good sign to stick it out another day.  We were finally out of there 2 days after she was born and I headed home to shower and change and then we were going to make the hour drive to see Mercy.  I was so happy because I stood in the shower all by myself for the entire time.  It is funny how much we take for granted.  I even washed my hair, which took a little squatting action since the shower head is at about my shoulders.  Once I was dressed, I loaded up all of the stuff (pump kit, antibiotics, water) and we were out the door.  I felt really good on the way over physically , we did stop to get the wheelchair from our church since I could only walk a little while before it felt like my guts were going to fall out. 

I still can't really describe how it felt on the way to see my baby.  I was worried that I wouldn't feel the way I felt about her like I did Mel and Malachi.  I was worried I wouldn't want to see her or I would think that she looked funny or bad.  I was also afraid of how the tubes and monitors would look and if I would be too stressed out.  I was worried I wouldn't know her.  The hour drive went by pretty quick.

If you have never been in a NICU it's interesting.  There are security desks, a little intercom that you have to talk through and give your own personal security code and loads of hallways.  Mark pushed me all around in that wheelchair.  We came up to her room.  The noises are crazy.  Buzzes, alarms, ringing.  It was like a little symphony of machines.  There were tiny tiny babies in the isolettes.  I remember a nurse saying "these aren't eggs, they ARE NOT incubator's."  And when I got out of the wheel chair and scrubbed up, 30 seconds continuously and all the way up to the elbows, I hobbled over to where she was on a warming table.  And I just felt relief.

She was beautiful.  I felt just like I did with the other babies; proud, excited, worried.  Just the same.  She held onto my finger and I know she looked over at me.  We couldn't hold her because she had the umbilical cord catheter.  We had to wait for the PICC line.  She was doing so well.  No breathing tube.  So we just got to hang out with her for a while. 

After that we commuted a few days and then we got my husbands parent's trailer so we stayed up there with her.  We got to change her diaper and check her temp.  Eventually we got to try a bottle with her and dress her.  Days kind of blurred together.  It was frustrating to not be able to hold her or nurse her.  It was weird having to ask permission from some nurse to do things you would normally just do at home.  She took the bottle pretty well and it was only a little while before they let us give it to her every feeding.  She moved out of the ICU a few days after being there and into a family care unit.  This meant she was doing so well and we would be coming home soon!