The things we say

I have been thinking today about all of the things we say to people. I am trying to figure out how to train myself to only speak words that matter and are true.  Sometimes I feel myself talking and talking and I am not really saying anything of substance.  What a waste of every ones time.

 For instance, "How are you?"  Most of the time it is in a greeting and we don't really want to know how someone is doing.  We just say it out of habit.  We just want them to say "good" or "fine" and then move on to the next part of the conversation.  I also think about when we answer.  Most of the time I am NOT good or fine, but I say I am anyway.  That has got to be lying right?  What kind of example is that?  Mom is freaking out because the cookies are burning and the baby is screaming, but when she answers the phone she says everything is fine?  I like Dave Ramsey's saying when he is asked how he is: "Better than I deserve!"  Although to be honest, I  just always say tired when people ask now.  Because that is what I feel the most!

And what about when we are talking to someone who is going though something painful.  "Let us/me know if I/we can do anything"  And I say it too!  It is really a cop out.  Because most of the time you would KNOW what to do if you really cared to think about it.  When my friend is going through a time where both of her babies are sick and she can't stop throwing up herself, telling her to ask me to help her is crazy.  Why wouldn't I just stop by the store, get her some clear soda and soup and send up some prayers as I drop them off at her door?  Most people are not going to ask you for the things that they really need.  Which sometimes is just a card, or a visit or a hug.  I am not saying it isn't nice to say it, but it doesn't help anyone out.  "I love you and I am here for you."  That is better.  And then follow it up with an action that is not asked for.  I am going to try to change that when I feel like saying "let me know..." 

I am trying to teach my kids to say "I forgive you" when they tell each other sorry.  Because the first thing that I say is "It's OK."  And really, most of the time, it is not OK.  If someone punches me in the face and then apologizes to me it is really NOT OK.  But of course I can forgive them. 

The other big thing I have been thinking about is when we see a new baby.  It seems to be that we always want to assure the mother that the baby they have is just beautiful.  I KNOW that my baby is beautiful.  She may look funny to you because of her birth defects, but she is perfect to me.  I don't need someone to tell me that she is just beautiful.  I am so guilty of this too.  I am curious to know if this is an American problem.  I want to change what I say to: "What a perfect blessing from God!"  Because the quality of our children does not come from the way that they look!

The last thing I am thinking of tonight...(maybe I shouldn't save blogging for late night as I wait for Mark to get home)...is when we tell people we will pray for them.  That is something that I have done.  Someone drops some big news and I say wow, I will be sure to pray for you.  Of course there is nothing wrong with saying it, but most of the time we just say it and then forget.  At least that is my problem.  So now, I am going to try to pray right then and there for that person whenever I feel like saying 'I will pray for you"

I am going to stop typing now, before I say things that are just fluff.  And I dont want anyone to think I am judging anyone else, this is stuff in my head applying to me.  But I want to make a commitment to being sure that the words I say have meaning and are true!  At least it is something to think about.  Whether or not I can train my mind and mouth is yet to be seen.